


Internal Affairs Reimagined

by DedicatedDetectives



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode Fix-it, Episode: s15e4 Internal Affairs, F/F, F/M, Kind of a fix-it, and also mature language, rated mature because of canon-typical mature subjects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 12:23:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14112264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DedicatedDetectives/pseuds/DedicatedDetectives
Summary: Based on s15e4 "Internal Affairs." What would've happened if instead of Nick in the squad car with Olivia, it was Amanda?





	Internal Affairs Reimagined

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on an idea lalarandoms had on her tumblr. (I have permission to use the idea). It applies her ideas as well as some other ideas/headcanons I've read in fics about what post-Lewis Bensidy would be like.
> 
> Contains some mature content, referencing violence and sexual concepts present in canon "Internal Affairs." And also mature language. (I'm sorry; I'm just pretty sure that Amanda curses constantly in her internal monologue).
> 
> I do not own these characters; they belong to the lovely SVU writers.
> 
> ...I think that about covers it. I hope I posted this correctly, so please be easy on me. I hope you enjoy; let me know! I will be posting other SVU one-shots-- Rolivia (mainly), Barisi (some?), and some others that crop up in me brain. Stay tuned!

Amanda’s sitting next to Olivia in an unmarked squad car parked outside the brothel. Cassidy’s undercover and Amanda knows exactly where this is going to go. Well, she knows where she thinks it’s going to go, but she’s silently hoping—praying even, something she doesn’t often do, but hell, she’ll do it for Liv—that she’s wrong. Because she can hear the dirty cop coaxing Cassidy to get a turn with one of the prostitutes, and her stomach flips the second she hears Cassidy stutter out “Lyla, that’s a pretty name.” Because she knows what they’re about to hear next.

The wire goes quiet for a minute before Amanda hears Cassidy moan out “Oh, alright, yeah” as the prostitute gets started, and she sees Olivia immediately tense in her seat. 

“Liv...” Amanda starts, feeling just as tense and nervous as Olivia looks.

“It’s fine,” Olivia interrupts. But she doesn’t look like it’s fine. 

“He’s just working,” Amanda says as gently as she can, hoping that she can comfort Olivia in this moment but knowing that probably nothing can comfort her right now. 

Olivia shakes her head as she mutters out “I know.”

Amanda looks over at Olivia, who’s on the brink of tears. Amanda feels a pang of hurt hit her in the chest at seeing Olivia look absolutely miserable. She feels the desperate need to make this even a bit easier for Olivia.

“Liv, c’mon, let’s talk. We don’t need to listen to this.” Amanda says, waving her hand dismissively at the speaker.

To Amanda’s surprise, Olivia doesn’t respond at all. Instead, she stares straight ahead, clearly balancing on the edge of composure and breakdown.

Amanda stays quiet a moment longer before gently pushing. “C’mon, how does that sound?”

Olivia inhales an audibly shaking breath before rasping “I can’t.” Amanda thinks that she can actually feel her pain as Olivia continues in a voice just as small and broken as before, “I can’t talk right now.”

Amanda reaches out to place a hand on Olivia’s arm as she says “Hey, that’s okay. You don’t need to. I can talk. I’ll talk.” She pauses for a moment, desperate to think of something—anything—to say, but her head is spinning. “Um, yesterday, I was on a run with Frannie, and man, she knows how to outrun me, and—"

She’s cut off by Olivia dropping her face into her hands and letting out a sob. 

Amanda feels like her heart breaks as she looks over at the woman she cares about so much unable to hold her pain inside any longer.

And Amanda doesn’t just feel shattered; she also feels _angry_. Because who the _fuck_ let Olivia be the backup for this case? Every single person knew that Cassidy was walking into a situation that lends itself to inappropriate sexual behavior, and no one thought that maybe that would be hard on Olivia? Amanda didn’t mention her hesitations because she knew that _she_ wouldn’t be able to talk Olivia out of it, because Olivia always gives their cases her all. But, God, Olivia was hardly back from experiencing horrific trauma, and now she’s forced to listen to _this_? Just the thought of everything Liv has gone through makes Amanda want to wrap her up in her arms and shield her from everything and everyone in the world. If only _anyone_ had thought of protecting Olivia like she had. Like _everyone_ should have. Like _Cassidy_ should have. 

God, do not even get Amanda started on Brian Cassidy. Amanda has never liked him. Her harsh feelings have softened a bit since she noticed what good care he has been taking of Olivia since the Lewis incident. But now, sitting in this car listening to him moan, she’s back to feeling like it would be an absolute pleasure to throw a few punches. 

He shouldn’t have agreed to do this. He should have seen this coming and told Tucker he wouldn’t follow through with it, for Olivia’s sake. Or, at the very least, he should have gotten into that room and not let that prostitute touch him. 

Why is Amanda the only one who seems to think about Olivia’s feelings ahead of time, and why is she the only one that seems to actually give a shit about them?

She has thought it before, and she’ll probably think it again: Cassidy doesn’t deserve Olivia, and he never will. She shouldn’t be with him. 

Amanda takes a breath and refocuses on Olivia, who really is sitting next to her, sobbing.

“Liv, honey…” Amanda begins, unsure of how to comfort her.

“Will this ever end?” Olivia gasps pleadingly in between her tears.

“Just hang on a few more minutes, Liv,” Amanda says, and she never thought she would even think these words, but _god dammit can’t Cassidy just come already?_

Olivia picks her head up from her hands and turns towards Amanda, looking at her through watery eyes that are shouting that she can’t hang on any longer.

Amanda wants nothing more than to turn off the speaker, but she knows that she has to keep it on. They’re Cassidy’s backup, and something could go wrong at any minute. She can’t risk that.

“Liv, do you want to step out of the car? C’mon, you should. Just go take a minute. No one will notice you.”

Olivia briefly shakes her head as she silently looks at Amanda for a moment. Then, she drops her head down onto Amanda’s shoulder. Amanda feels shocked, but immediately wraps her arms around Olivia and tries to hold her tight enough to dry her tears and even make her smile. She knows that’s impossible right now, but she holds her tightly anyway.

Olivia continues to cry softly as she whispers into Amanda’s shoulder, “Can I tell you something?” 

“Of course,” Amanda says, rubbing her palms in soothing circles over Olivia’s back and successfully hiding her confusion.

“I… I have no idea when I’ll be able to sleep with him again.” Olivia says, voice breaking.

“Liv, listen to me,” Amanda says, running her hand over Olivia’s hair. “Brian loves you.” She ignores the heartbreak she feels at her own words; she doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s true: one of Brian’s redeeming qualities is that he really does love her. “He will never, ever rush you. He will never make you do anything you don’t want to do. Never. He won’t expect anything, and he won’t hold it against you even if you take 20 years to even lay a hand on him again.” She continues as Olivia looks at her with an unreadable expression on her face. “I’m serious, Liv. He loves you and he wants to take care of you. He wants the best for you right now and always. So you don’t need to feel that guilt right now, okay?”

Olivia pulls away from Amanda, looking at her with a shocked expression. “Thank you, Amanda.”

“I mean it, Liv,” Amanda reassures her.

At some point during Amanda’s mini-speech, Cassidy had gone quiet and is now walking back out to his squad car. Amanda shifts into drive, ready to trail him again.

“I had no idea you think so highly of Bri,” Olivia looks over at Amanda, her tears finally halting. 

“I know he cares about you,” Amanda says simply, earnestly. She doesn’t look away from the road in front of them as she continues. “And he’s not the only one.”

There’s a pause. “How do you know he loves me?” Olivia asks quietly. “He, uh, hasn’t said it yet.”

Amanda glances over at Olivia for a brief moment as the words practically tumble from her mouth; it’s as if their truth is weighing so heavily on her heart that she can’t help but reveal them to the woman sitting next to her—the woman who deserves to hear them more than anyone she has ever met or ever will meet: “You’re easy to love, Olivia Benson.”


End file.
